Power, Control, and the Weight that Follows

Back when the first Spider-man movie came out, Uncle Ben had a good quote that anybody could remember.

With great power comes great responsibility.

The 2nd grader me could only enjoy the web-slinging parts of the movie, but that one sentence was tucked safely in the depths of my brain. It took me more than a decade to really understand the meaning behind it.

In my teenage years, I thought the quote was referring to 'being responsible in fighting crime and protecting the city.'

But in this present time, after I learned of new fancy words such as 'corruption' or 'exploit', and even experienced the slow, steady gain of power and the quick, painless process of losing it, I started to think more about the meaning of 'responsibility.'

In 2011, I started writing and publishing the chapters online. The concept of my work was just like most Japanese entertainment: life lessons packaged with fun characters and light elements of humor (I believe the term is 'Slice of Life', but most recent works don't teach you anything about life, so I'm not sure about using this term). It was a very fun experience, since it felt like I was communicating through a story, indirectly talking to the readers and teaching them a thing or two about the things I had been through.

Compared to directly talking about it like this, the difference in impact was huge.

I was climbing up the... for a lack of a better name, the 'internet famous' hill slowly, gaining supporters one at a time. They were eagerly waiting for a new chapter, and likewise, I was eagerly waiting for their thoughts. Things were going very well, I even made two great friends (one made a contract and turned into a magical 'girl', and the other one might be freezing in Canada).

After a while, things took a turn for the worse. Somewhere along the way, I subconsciously started giving my personal thoughts on sensitive subjects. Back then, I thought I was always right, since there was a lot of people supporting me. They got my back on this one, right?

What a way to fall.

Everything went to hell in just one night. Some agreed, some didn't, and what came out of it was civil war. I was confused for a good while, and after having a few chats with my friends, I came to realize that after all this time, I actually had power and control. The two things which came hand in hand, that some people would kill just to get a little taste. I had been using it, and it slipped out of control.

Ultimately, I decided to retire and swore to never come back. I wrote a public letter of apology and left for good. Even then, I was forgiven and was told not to lose my passion in writing.

Even though I was back to square zero, I was relieved to know that it was all over and no one held vengeance over the things I had done.

So, back to Spidey...

Apparently, Uncle Ben's quote wasn't about 'being responsible in fighting crime,' but it was leaning more towards 'being responsible in using it.' I've learned that even a little push can lead to an abuse of power. Intentional or not, the consequences are severe, and sometimes you'll lose everything you've worked for.

Sometimes you need to just lie down and look back to the past, to the time when you have nothing at all. It's good exercise to remember what you're really trying to do in the first place since it's very easy to lose your way with great power in your hands. In my case, I started writing for entertainment purposes and ended up spreading heresy which caught the Inquisition's attention.

Even then, I had a good run. I still hope I can write something to entertain people again sometime.

And just for that dream, I'll keep on living.



(Fenichi, if you're reading this... where the hell are you? At least I know Truner's alive and well, but I haven't seen you in a while)